A belated Happy New Year, everybody! We return to those thrilling days of yesteryear (you know, just before Christmas) when we began unpacking our choir’s core values, one week at a time. To review:
Hope Choir Core Values
1. Know the Word.
2. Stay intimate with God.
3. Build up the Body of Christ
4. Find common ground with the seeker
5. Stay healthy.
6. Keep short accounts.
7. Strive for excellence (not perfection).
This week we are reminded that in healthy organizations and communities, relationships depend on honesty, openness, and remaining current in expressing our feelings toward one another. The familiar passage in Matthew 18:15 reminds us what to do when things do break down and we begin feeling at odds with each other: “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.”
The issue is not getting even or even getting something off our chest—the goal is restoration of the relationship. And in cases of the heart, timing is everything. To delay the direct approach often leads to suppression of feelings which give way to anger and resentment. Worse, we begin to “triangle” the relationship by sharing with a third party how we are feeling about the second party. This is usually less threatening to us personally, but is also almost always more destructive.
(By the way, if you are ever tempted to enter into one of those tri-angled conversations, remember a good question to ask is, “It what you are about to share with me about “so-and-so”
going to make me think less or more of that person? In other words, praise anyone to the hilt with others, but if you have a beef with someone, start with them!)
This concept particularly rings true for those involved in upfront leadership. Many passages remind us that we can’t love both God and hate our brother. What we do to the least of our brothers, we do to HIM, and (my favorite) “if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar (public worship)…and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and [worship] God.” (Matt. 5:23) If we are to have credibility as lovers of God, we must also do everything in our power to remain connected and “clean” with each other.
One final note: keeping short accounts means no sandbagging. What does that mean? Simply this—rather than collecting dirt (or hurt) on someone over a long period of time, only to erupt when the bag bursts with a laundry list of wounds and offenses, try staying current. When someone says or does something to hurt or offend you, gently approach them immeditely. Use “I feel” statements rather than “you did…” or “you always… “
Another way to approach a hurtful incident is to ask the (offending) person to “help you understand why he did such and such.” The key is to live in a posture of humility and forgiveness, realizing how much God through Christ has forgiven you. To ignore these principles may make you feel more comfortable momentarily, but you will end up breaking the heart of God and losing a brother in the process. Will you, members of Hope’s worship community, join me in seeking to keep as short accounts as possible with one another? If the God who is holy is able to remove my sins as far as the east is from the west and to toss them into the sea of forgetfulness, who am I to keep score? Can I get a witness?
-tad
Next week: Strive for excellence (not perfection)
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