Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Shameless filler for an off-week

Since the wife and I were AWOL this weekend for her birthday celebration, I decided to treat you to some insights into what it’s like to work with someone like me… you know, someone with ADD.  Just when you think you’ve got me locked and loaded in a conversation, I see a squirrel, or remember that I left a pot pie in the microwave two days ago…or wonder why SkyMall went bankrupt…they had such cool stuff, you know?  Imagine the struggles I face in the pastoral ministry.  Imagine the challenges my “sheep” are up against.

I began wondering if this malady is easily diagnosed by the person himself, or must we all wait until the inevitable intervention by loved ones, the medical community, or the local cabbie who just wants us to make up our mind?  Where might one find a list of presenting symptoms for ADD, I queried.  And, of course, my friend Fred Google came to the rescue!

You might have ADD if...

•          your wife is in the midst of delivering your first child, and then it hits you...! "Beige! I think we'll paint the ceiling beige!"

•          you call someone on their cell phone but forget who you are calling

•          you're standing in front of the printer at work waiting for something (you can't remember what) to come out, when suddenly you look down at your hand and see a coffee cup in it and remember that you were on your way to the kitchen and you have no idea how you ended up in the printer room.

•           you go to the grocery store to buy [fill in the blank], end up spending $200 on groceries and forget to buy [fill in the blank].

•           you wait and wait to do laundry and when you finally do it, you leave it in the washer and forget all about it. Three days later, you are in your wash room and there's a stench coming from the washer. Then you wash them all over again, only to forget them again.

•           you stop at an intersection and wait for the stop sign to turn green.

•           five minutes after you take your meds you start to have serious doubts about whether you actually took them or not and take more (oops).

•           when you put a large pot of water to boil, you decide you have at least 15 minutes to do some yard work, come back 30 minutes later to discover you turned on the wrong burner and burned all the crusty bits off your cast iron fry pan and the house is full of smoke.

•           you make a great lunch and forget to take it to work.

•           your answering machine message should be "We can't find the phone right now, but leave a message and when we do, we'll return your call."

•           your son's teacher tells you that she believes your son is ADD, and you respond, "No, I don't think so, my whole family is that way."

•           you finally figure out that the reason the car key won't fit in the door is because you're trying to open somebody else's car!

•           you drive to the library with the books on the roof of your car.

•           you rent the same movie 3 times in a month each time thinking you have never seen it before (until you start watching)

•           other people think you're crazy and you think they're boring.

•           you put something in a safe place to have it when you need it and then you forget where the safe place was!

•           you go looking for something you put in a safe place, you realize it is not in that particular safe place, but instead you find something else that you had been looking for!

•           you wonder why the electric bill is so high and then you realize that the oven has been on for a month....

•           you go to the kitchen and stand in front of the open refrigerator for several minutes before you remember that you were there to answer the phone.

•           when you start to make dinner you end up cleaning out the refrigerator.

And, finally, you may just have ADD if…the smoke alarm tells you supper is done.

Now for all of you who suffer with this common illness or live with someone who does, please do not be offended.  Every occupant on the planet struggles with something…and all of us just need a lot of love. Why?  Because it covers a multitude of sins.  So rather than take offense, hear my heart.  I only meant to acknowledge—to my friends and family—that I feel their pain. That is, if I can focus long enough...oh, look—a pill bug just walked across my bookshelf.  That reminds me, did I take my reflux medicine this morning?  *sigh*

tad

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