Pastor's Point: Sandbags

Whenever there is a forecast for heavy rains which might result in flash flooding, a dam breaks, or we are warned of the prospect of devastating coastal storms, these little lumpy critters make their presence known as the greatest thing since sliced bread.  Sandbags.  Who’d a thunk it?  Something so simple, yet strategically placed and in enough quantity, they are not only effective but often our last resort for preventing disasters.

Once again this week the world watched helplessly as a monster typhoon ravaged the coast of the Philippines.   As estimated 20 foot waves assaulted the coastline, laying bare everything in their path, I couldn’t help but reflect on how seemingly impotent such weaponry as sandbags are when trying to protect ourselves from the power of the natural world around us.

And yet, all around us there hides a more deadly enemy which purposes to do even greater damage to our spirits and very souls.  It is an unseen but very potent force, described by the Apostle Paul this way:

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, 

against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil 

in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12  ESV

And oddly enough, this enemy actually loves the sandbag; no, not the kind for preventing disasters but a much more subtle one which actually helps create them.  I’m not talking about literal sandbags, but rather emotional collections of things humans do to one another to wound, diminish and even kill.  And like a real sandbag, they are put together one grain, one deed or neglected deed at a time.

In all healthy organizations and communities, relationships depend on honesty, openness, and remaining current in expressing our feelings toward one another.  The familiar passage in Matthew 18:15 and following reminds us what to do when things do break down and we begin feeling at odds with each other: “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense.  If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.  But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.”

The issue is not getting even or even getting something off our chest—the goal is restoration of the relationship.  And in cases of the heart, timing is everything.  To delay the direct approach often leads to suppression of feelings which give way to anger and resentment.  Worse, we begin to “triangle” the relationship by sharing with a third party how we are feeling about the second party.  This is usually less threatening to us personally, but also almost always more destructive.

(By the way, if you are ever tempted to enter into one of those tri-angled conversations, remember a good question to ask is, “Is what you are about to share with me—about ‘so and so’—going to make me think less or more of that person?  In other words, praise anyone to the hilt with others, but if you have a beef with someone, start with them!)

This concept particularly rings true for those involved in leadership.  Many passages remind us that we can’t love God and hate our brother, what we do to the least of our brothers we do to HIM, and (my favorite) “if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar…and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar.  Go and be reconciled to that person.  Then come and [worship] God.” (Matt. 5:23) If we are to have credibility as lovers of God, we must also do all in our power to remain connected and “clean” with each other.

To maintain healthy relationships with others, to keep ‘short accounts’, so to speak, means no sandbagging.  Rather than collecting dirt (or hurt) on someone over a long period of time, only to erupt when the bag is full or bursting with a laundry list of wounds and offenses, try staying current.  When someone says or does something to hurt or offend you, gently approach them right away.  Use “I feel” statements rather than “you did…” or “you always…” 

Another way to approach a hurtful incident is to ask the (offending) person to “help you understand why he(she) did such and such.”  The key is to live in a posture of humility and forgiveness, realizing how much God through Christ has forgiven you.  To ignore these principles may make you feel more comfortable momentarily, but you will end up breaking the heart of God and losing a brother in the process.  If the same God who is holy and perfectly righteous is able to remove my sins as far as the east is from the west and to toss them into the sea of forgetfulness, who am I to keep score?  Who am I to keep a collection of past offenses…a sandbag?  Those lumpy little critters were created to help prevent disasters, not cause them.  

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