PONDERISMS (adapted)

If you agree that a mind is a terrible thing to waste, why not ruminate on a few of these for a while.  You may find yourself using brain cells you didn’t even know you had.  On the other hand, I hope nothing seizes up on you…

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule:  When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, 

but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, 

why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, 

then what is baby oil made from?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, 

but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Now you have to admit, if you spend a lot of time pondering these things, you either are taking life way too seriously or you are just of a superior intellect, and most of us can’t relate on your level. But either way, because this ministry is trying to be a “safe place” for all types, we’re going to keep you.  Now that’s something to really ponder.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             tad