Pastor's Point: A failure to communicate...

It was one of the most memorable lines from a classic Hollywood movie called, Cool Hand Luke, starring the legendary Paul Newman.  “What we have here, gentlemen, is a failure to communicate.”  The irony is that the line was delivered by a cruel, stubborn prison guard who didn’t lack for communication at all, but for basic human empathy and compassion. 

Sometimes our inability to communicate can take on almost comic overtones.  Consider these poorly worded signs in various locations, attempting to be helpful:

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.  WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.  (a little punctuation wouldn’t have hurt)

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

These actual miscommunications remind me of the time I was serving a church in Dallas which posted a large (huge, really) banner outside on a busy highway announcing our upcoming Christmas Eve services.  Included on the advertisement was the enticing but unfortunately misspelled byline: Special Children’s Massage.  Imagine my horror when I drove past the church shortly after it was posted and realized our mistake.  That can happen in one-way communication, especially when one fails to proofread!

Unlike one-way communication (a posted announcement, an email blast, a zealous “prophet” booming "TURN OR BURN” into his bullhorn on a crowded street), two way communication actually involves listening as well as voicing our ideas and values.  Hope Church is offering each of us a simple but radical tool to improve our ability to communicate, listen, empathize and thereby minister more effectively to each other.  On March 14 & 15, you can learn some very practical ways to become a better listener and, hopefully, a more effective communicator.  Pastor Steve Griebling and his team have been working diligently to facilitate the growth of our Body in this area.  This two day workshop, Listening for Heaven’s Sake, is available to anyone—details on our church website, or you can call the church and speak to Diane (x310) for more details.  Please consider taking advantage of this opportunity to become a better equipped communicator of the love of Christ.                                                                                                                                                                                                  tad

Pastor’s Point: Valentines for God

One childhood tradition which always seemed to bring equal doses of anticipation and disappointment was the classroom ritual of exchanging Valentines with (usually) everyone in the room.  You remember the routine.  On the night before your class Valentines party, you convinced one of your parents to buy one of those bags of 30+ valentine greetings with clever come-ons like “Bee mine,” “You’re Purrrrrrrfect,” and “You mermaid for me.” Then you stayed up late addressing all the envelopes and signing your name to each card.  The real clincher, though, happened on the day of the party…waiting to see the reaction from the one particular girl (guy) you fancied as they read your card. 

Most of us knew, even then, that this activity was not all that consequential in matters of love and the opposite sex.  Still, the ritual continues to this day, and hearts, at least for the very young, are a-flutter or a-broken as this simple exercise plays out.  I did, in fact, come across some interesting observations kids had on the subject of love, as seen through their innocent eyes. Here’s a sampling:  

1. When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
2. Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
3. Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
4. If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you don't like to play with.
5. Love is hugging. Love is kissing. Love is saying no sometimes.
6. When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared they won't love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only do they still love you, they love you even more.
7. My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.
8. Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.
9. You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget, and it's good for them to get reminded.
10. There are two kinds of love- Our love & God's love. But God makes both kinds of them. Love is important to God.

As adults, we know love is a pretty big deal to God. John, who described himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved,” wrote this about God’s definition:   “God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.  This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. (1 John 4: 9, 10)

These two verses show us the origin of true love, but they are not meant to imply that only God can love. When Jesus was asked, “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?,” He replied, ‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”  Jesus later told his followers, “If you love me, keep my commandments.”  In other words, there can be no separating of these two relationships.  If we love God, we will love each other.

Practically, what does that look like in a church community? To use musical terminology, I believe the world is looking for unity and harmony in our life together, not unison and conformity.  Church cultures which stress the latter don’t require a lot of love.  In fact, in those kinds of environments, when someone starts “singing” slightly out of tune, or even a different tune, members often withdraw or, worse, begin the dismantling process of the fellowship.  The agape (unconditional, godly) love of the first church was tested early on.  It had to intentionally set aside the need for ethnic (cultural) “purity.” They did, after all, start out “all Jewish—all the time,” remember? (Acts 10).  Agape love also meant stepping out in faith, being willing to be lovingly corrected by their spiritual leaders, and, at times, even risking death.  But the early Church’s true mark on the world, the distinctive which ultimately turned that world upside down, was not their great faith, not their gifts, or creativity, not even their open-mindedness. Rather, it was how they loved each other.

Imagine, if you will, two piles of bricks standing side by side, one with mortar and the other without. Now think of the love of God as the mortar connecting the one stack of stones which He is using to build a beautiful temple of worship.  When viewed side by side, the two stacks neatly piled on top of each other really don’t look all that different.  But let the first quake of adversity or division hit, and one thing becomes clear.  Without that love, without the connective adhesive of the Holy Spirit in our lives, we will not stand.  Our mission is lost.  And God moves on.

As our American culture pauses to recognize and even celebrate human love this Valentine’s Day, let’s recommit ourselves to demonstrating to the world a far deeper, more lasting gift that goes beyond our fleeting feelings.  Let our valentine to God and the world be the living out of what the contemporary song writer John Mark McMillan describes as God’s “sloppy wet kiss.” (How He Loves http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCe4A7OA_Qw; recorded by Eddie Kirkland).  Like any good valentine, the clearer we make our message, the harder it will be to resist.

tad

Pastor’s Point: The Lost Art of Editing

We’ve all heard the popular phrase, TMI, or Too Much Information, used in contemporary culture.  It usually refers to a person’s inability to limit (or edit) what they share with others to what is either appropriate or necessary to make a point.  In the realm of the written word, the editing process is huge and for several reasons.  Time and space are critical, and accuracy is everything, unless you have a rather large legal department and lots of money to spend on lawsuits.  When this process is neglected, you get results like these actual headlines, with commentary included (author unknown).

                                    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says  [No, really?] 

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers  [Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death   [Those no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant   [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace   [I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile  [You think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures  [Who would have thought!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges   [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge   [He probably IS the battery charge!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft    [That’s what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks    [Taste like chicken!]

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy   [That was really giving of himself!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors    [Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead    [I certainly hope so!]

In the case of these misleading headlines, a little proofreading would have gone a long way to limit the miscommunication. But what about such a thing as proofsharing? In the context of a community where we routinely share our needs and concerns, what are the ground rules for that?  As important as it is to communicate honestly and clearly how we can support and pray for each other, each of us needs to be careful to edit or limit things of a personal nature which we share with a mass audience.  The apostle Paul gives us some pretty clear guidelines in one simple verse of Ephesians 4:  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Sometimes what is helpful in building me up actually results in tearing others down.  Likewise, while I personally may benefit from getting something off my chest, it may not always be met with the same reaction from my listeners.  They could feel contaminated, so to speak, or torn between how to support me and yet think graciously of another person/situation.  

When we take time to edit what we say about a personal situation, we must consider what is helpful and edifying for all our listeners.  We carefully choose words which do not invite judgment or condemnation on another person, even if we feel they might be causing us harm or difficulty.  It could be an insensitive boss, a neglectful spouse, a wayward child, a boorish in-law.  Regardless, remember that they are not here to defend themselves and every disagreement has two sides.  Rather than use a large group setting to air details of hurt feelings or negative situations, find a more appropriate venue (close friend, small group, counselor or pastor) to go into specific details. 

In a previous church, we employed the ABC rule for prayer requests:  Audible (for all to hear, including the hard of hearing), Brief (remember, others also need/wish to share), and Christ-centered (in other words, edifying—what will build up the Body of Christ?).  Another helpful checklist might be TKN - Before you say it, Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?  As part of our life together in this worship community, let’s continue to foster an atmosphere of openness and honesty, but let each of us use our own editing process as we seek to share appropriately with one another.  If not, we just might be accused of TMI.

 tad

Pastor’s Point—A Little Q & A *

One of my favorite passages in God’s Word is from the 6^th chapter of Micah.  If you have ever found yourself asking God, “what is it you want from me, Lord?” this provides a pretty straightforward answer.  I believe it also can inform what our life together as a community of worshiping artists can/should look like.

⁶ With what shall I come before the LORD and bow down before the exalted God?

Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old?

⁷ Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousand rivers of oil?

Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?

⁸ He has showed you, O man, what is good.  And what does the LORD require of you?

To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.

Worship has always been about giving…or giving up something.  Offering something.  Sacrificing.  Back in the garden and before the fall, God made sure we understood this.  Talk is cheap.  At the end of the day, all Adam and Eve really were given to demonstrate their worship to their Creator was a simple act of obedience.  A simple act of restraint, really.  “You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden.”  Pretty uncomplicated.  Pretty straightforward.  In reality, what could the first family offer to God?  Just the simple demonstration that yet another 24 hours had past and they had willingly avoided eating fruit from the forbidden tree. This was really the only true worship they could offer.  Anything else they gave back to God was already a gift from Him.  Almost like giving your kids a $20 bill to go buy you a tie.  Not all that satisfying…for you or them.

The OT prophet Micah got this, when he records one of the most profound Q & A’s found in the Bible.  Given that our God has made everything, and has supplied our every need, what could we possibly hope to give Him in return that would mean anything to Him? Well, to quote Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady, “I’m tired of words; show me.”  Justice, mercy, humility.  God, through Micah, is  saying ‘don’t just talk about it—do it.’ Practice these things in your personal life and particularly in your interactions with others. 

Acting justly in the context of the worship ministry implies simply doing the right thing: keeping commitments (who was it who said 90% of life is showing up?), being punctual, honing your craft, giving your personal best, not showing partiality, etc. 

Consider for a moment just one area of our weekly routine—attendance.  Peter Drucker once wrote that “there is no correlation between potential and performance.”  What he meant was that ultimately we are not measured by what we are capable of doing but what we actually do.  As teammates, it is important that we not only worship together regularly but also prepare together regularly.  Why?  I can think of few other ministries which rely so heavily on teamwork to accomplish their mission.  And I know of few other teams in life which “perform” at a very high level if “practicing” together isn’t a high value. 

For most of you, this is a non-issue.  You are actually to be commended for your sacrificial example of regular attendance.  For some of you, however, this is an area in which you struggle.  Perhaps you might even question if you are missed, or worse, you have concluded you don’t personally need regular rehearsals.  Still others may have allowed yourself to commit to too many things and find yourselves having to making weekly choices for which commitments you can keep.   Let me encourage each of you to revisit your schedules and commitments and prayerfully consider what is appropriate for you and for us as we offer what the scriptures call “a sacrifice of praise.”

The second requirement our God considers good is simply to love mercy, to foster a grace atmosphere. Interestingly enough, it falls directly on the heels of the cry for justice.  While God calls us to right living as the prescription for what is best for us, He knows all too well that in our humanness, we are prone to fail and disappoint each other.  Rather than “lower the bar” or standard in his first requirement, He simply keeps before us the need to keep on loving, for love “covers a multitude of sins.”  To love mercy means to treat others as we wish to be treated, assume the best motives, even when the behavior is different than expected, and be quick to forgive when behavior or motives fall short.  Loving mercy is intensely active and passionate, not passive and wishy-washy. 

And finally, we are individually and collectively to walk humbly with our God.  What a great phrase…every word as rich in meaning as the next.  Rather than playing the Holy Spirit for you, let me encourage you to pause right now and invite Him to lead you as you meditate on those five simple words.

WALK humbly with our God.

Walk HUMBLY with our God.

Walk humbly WITH our God

Walk humbly with OUR God.

Walk humbly with our GOD.

At the end of the day, just like in the garden, worship is a verb.  It is less blah, blah, blah and more bless, bless, bless.  Micah discovered this: Act justly.  Love mercy.  Walk humbly with our God.  Our worship and arts ministry is designed to help you grow in these three areas.  We do not simply unite around a common task—though we have one.  We do not simply pursue excellence, though God is worthy of nothing less than our best.  And we do not practice our art for the sheer joy of it, though for the gift of the arts in our lives we are immensely grateful to their Giver.  Rather, we choose to eat, pray, study, celebrate, laugh and cry…together, all so that Christ may be glorified in us. 

I pray that each of you might come to discover your unique and valuable role in this family.  It might be your voice.  It might be your love of technology.  It may your enthusiasm for playing your instrument for the Lord.  But, then again, it might be your smile.  Maybe it is your ability to listen and care.  It could even be your ability to trust God in prayer.  Whatever it is, you are God’s treasure and have been placed here by His design.  May God be free among us to create the tapestry of His choosing.  And may each of you come to know how much you matter to us and to God.    

tad

* adapted from previous article Micah’s Message written by Tim Dommer                                                                                       

Pastor's Point: Eyes on the Prize

Have you ever wondered why people start every new year resolving to make certain changes, only to abandon those plans and quickly return to their original state of being?  I can’t speak for everyone, but in my experience it has a lot to do with a lack of one particular commodity—perseverance. 

Like some of you, I’m a great starter.  I like trying new things.  I especially like talking about trying new things.  At times, I even like taking risks.  But then something happens.  I meet opposition to my plans.  I encounter difficulty.  I get sidetracked.  And eventually, what started as an awesome idea quickly winds up on a pile of good intentions.

Imagine, if you will, the resolution that was placed before Jesus, God’s Son, as he entered his earthly life. Way back in Eden’s garden when the first batch of humans decided to blow the best deal ever and long before Frank Sinatra ever uttered “I did it my way” for the very first time, these creatures decided to break ranks with their Maker.  God’s judgment was swift, expelling them from their utopian lifestyle, but even worse, giving them nothing less than what they asked for: a life separate from Him.  But God’s mercy was too great to leave man with no options. And right there He promised to make right again what we had screwed up.  In that moment, His resolution was made clear. To the Satanic serpent who deceived His beloved, He said:

I will cause hostility between you and the woman (Eve),
and between your offspring and her offspring (Jesus).
He (My Son) will strike your head, and you will strike his heel.

In my darker moments, I imagine a heavenly conversation where Jesus quickly retorts, “Easy for you to say, Dad.”  In fact, scripture never gives even the hint of a dispute between the Father and the Son regarding this plan.  Such was the level of trust and love between the two.  What we are told is that Jesus willingly took up the task, emptied himself (now there’s a theological discussion for you), and accepted the greatest rescue mission ever assigned. Paul writes in Philippians 2:

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God

 something to be used to his own advantage; rather,

he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!

We’ve all heard the clichés.  “Keep your nose to the grindstone.” “Quitters never win and winners never quit.” But faced with this particular assignment, one can only ask “how did He do it?” Our culture is so quick to assign “hero” status to anyone who, in the face of injustice or adversity, casts fate to the wind and charges into the fray, regardless of its effects on one’s personal well-being.  But here’s the thing.  These decisions are often instinctive, made in either a moment of calamity or as part of a short term scheme or strategy to right a great wrong.

What puts Jesus, his incarnation, life, suffering and ultimate death in such a completely different category from other heroic acts is this: he lived, breathed, and focused on his mission from the moment His human mind could handle conceptual thinking.  As a child, He was taught the Torah, the first five books of what we today call the Bible.  He also learned the Psalms and became familiar with all the prophetical writings made available to Him, including the passages He would quote from Isaiah 61 to inaugurate his ministry, as well as the ones which described in graphic detail his eventual death in Isaiah 52 and 53.  And yet, He stayed the course.  Why?  The writer to the Hebrews proposes this as the reason in chapter 12:

…Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,

fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame,

and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners,

so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

And what exactly was the “joy” that was set before Him?  The same writer records in an earlier chapter:

But we do see Jesus, who was made lower than the angels for a little while,

now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death,

so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone.

In bringing many sons and daughters to glory, it was fitting that God,

for whom and through whom everything exists,

should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through what he suffered. 

Both the one who makes people holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. 

So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters.

What was the so-called “prize” on which Jesus kept His eyes for thirty-three years as a human being, and eons before as Creator of all that is seen and unseen?  You and me.  We were the prize.  You are the prize.  I am the prize.

So make your resolutions and maybe even break your resolutions.  But start 2014 with the deepest sense of gratitude for the One who kept His eyes on the prize…and never looked back.        

tad 

Pastor's Point: Love Will Find You

I went to a luncheon today which raised awareness about the increase in suicide rates in our country. It got me thinking that this is a subject we should more openly discuss in the body of Christ.  For many, it is the great topical taboo, the struggle that only affects the weak, the unbalanced, or worse, the unspiritual.  But who among us has not been touched by this saddest of departures from a loved one, a friend, or a co-worker?  Or perhaps, some, if not many of us, have even flirted with the notion, if for a fleeting moment, that the world would be better off if “I just went away”. 

What often remains for the survivors of those who end their own life is mere speculation.  We are left with questions like “why” or “how could I have missed this?” Often we’re left to imagine perhaps playing a role in suicide prevention: “If only I had known of his/her pain, I might have...”  

The popular contemporary singer-songwriter Nicole Nordeman drew inspiration for her song Hold On from just such an experience in her own life.  She writes:

“We spend so much time talking about our search for God, our journey, what we’re looking for, what we hope to find–and we give very little thought to the notion that God is searching for us. He is in fierce pursuit. And He’ll stop at nothing to find us.

I met a girl a couple of years ago. She drove me crazy. She was intensely needy and did a really bad job at hiding her desperation. It wasn’t attractive–it made me want to run and hide whenever she was around, which is exactly what I did. She was hyper. She overcompensated socially. She was exhausting. She was trying to reach out, and so I pulled back. Everyone around her pulled back, because to give her an ounce of your attention was to be swallowed whole. I normally consider myself to be a compassionate person, but I was blinded by self-protection and self-love. We were on a tour together, so our interaction was for a season. And when it ended, I breathed repeated sighs of relief.

Not too long ago, I learned from another friend on that same tour that she had taken her life.

Even now, it is very hard to keep typing because the guilt and shame weigh down on me so heavily. She was reaching, reaching, reaching for anything–anyone who might throw her a line. I never did. When I get to heaven, the first thing I will do is ask God for directions to her house. I need her forgiveness. I need to tell her how ugly my heart was.

Until then, this song will have to do. It is a love song for anyone who feels like they can’t hang on. It is a last ditch plea for anyone who is certain they’ve exhausted every option, and every avenue for happiness and love.

It’s everything I wished I’d said and so I am saying now. God is bigger. The voice that tells you that life is pointless and empty and that everything good and beautiful will always stay just beyond your reach, is the voice of the greatest liar that ever was. And he will keep on lying. And Jesus will keep on loving you and reminding you that the only reason he ever suffered and died and walked out of that tomb to offer you life, was because you are worth it. You really are. We all are.”

Here are the lyrics to her song.  Hope it blesses someone today.  It has been life-giving to this writer.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      tad

Hold On

Words and Music by Nicole Nordeman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1HkUf0tXLU

It will find you at the bottom of a bottle; it will find you at the needle’s end.

It will find you when you beg and steal and borrow; it will follow you into a stranger’s bed.

It will find you when they serve you with the papers; 

it will find you when the locks have changed again.

It will find you when you’ve called in all your favors; 

it will meet you at the bridge’s highest ledge.

So baby, don’t look down; it’s a long way. The sun will come around to a new day.

So hold on, love will find you. Hold on, He’s right behind you now.

Just turn around and love will find you.

It will find you when the doctor’s head is shaking; it will find you in a boardroom, mostly dead.

It will crawl into the foxhole where you’re praying; it will curl up in your halfway empty bed.

So baby, don’t believe that it’s over. Maybe you can’t see ‘round the corner.

So hold on, love will find you. Hold on, He’s right behind you now.

Just turn around and love will find you.

To hang between two thieves in the darkness,

Love must believe you are worth it.

You’re worth it.

So hold on, love will find you. Hold on, He’s right behind you now.

Just turn around He’s right behind you now.

Just turn around, love will find you.

“Hold On” © 2005 BIRDWING MUSIC (ASCAP) and BIRDGOY MUSIC (ASCAP),

Admin. by EMI CMG PUBLISHING, CCLI#128008

Pastor's Point: Sandbags

Whenever there is a forecast for heavy rains which might result in flash flooding, a dam breaks, or we are warned of the prospect of devastating coastal storms, these little lumpy critters make their presence known as the greatest thing since sliced bread.  Sandbags.  Who’d a thunk it?  Something so simple, yet strategically placed and in enough quantity, they are not only effective but often our last resort for preventing disasters.

Once again this week the world watched helplessly as a monster typhoon ravaged the coast of the Philippines.   As estimated 20 foot waves assaulted the coastline, laying bare everything in their path, I couldn’t help but reflect on how seemingly impotent such weaponry as sandbags are when trying to protect ourselves from the power of the natural world around us.

And yet, all around us there hides a more deadly enemy which purposes to do even greater damage to our spirits and very souls.  It is an unseen but very potent force, described by the Apostle Paul this way:

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, 

against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil 

in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12  ESV

And oddly enough, this enemy actually loves the sandbag; no, not the kind for preventing disasters but a much more subtle one which actually helps create them.  I’m not talking about literal sandbags, but rather emotional collections of things humans do to one another to wound, diminish and even kill.  And like a real sandbag, they are put together one grain, one deed or neglected deed at a time.

In all healthy organizations and communities, relationships depend on honesty, openness, and remaining current in expressing our feelings toward one another.  The familiar passage in Matthew 18:15 and following reminds us what to do when things do break down and we begin feeling at odds with each other: “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense.  If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.  But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.”

The issue is not getting even or even getting something off our chest—the goal is restoration of the relationship.  And in cases of the heart, timing is everything.  To delay the direct approach often leads to suppression of feelings which give way to anger and resentment.  Worse, we begin to “triangle” the relationship by sharing with a third party how we are feeling about the second party.  This is usually less threatening to us personally, but also almost always more destructive.

(By the way, if you are ever tempted to enter into one of those tri-angled conversations, remember a good question to ask is, “Is what you are about to share with me—about ‘so and so’—going to make me think less or more of that person?  In other words, praise anyone to the hilt with others, but if you have a beef with someone, start with them!)

This concept particularly rings true for those involved in leadership.  Many passages remind us that we can’t love God and hate our brother, what we do to the least of our brothers we do to HIM, and (my favorite) “if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar…and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar.  Go and be reconciled to that person.  Then come and [worship] God.” (Matt. 5:23) If we are to have credibility as lovers of God, we must also do all in our power to remain connected and “clean” with each other.

To maintain healthy relationships with others, to keep ‘short accounts’, so to speak, means no sandbagging.  Rather than collecting dirt (or hurt) on someone over a long period of time, only to erupt when the bag is full or bursting with a laundry list of wounds and offenses, try staying current.  When someone says or does something to hurt or offend you, gently approach them right away.  Use “I feel” statements rather than “you did…” or “you always…” 

Another way to approach a hurtful incident is to ask the (offending) person to “help you understand why he(she) did such and such.”  The key is to live in a posture of humility and forgiveness, realizing how much God through Christ has forgiven you.  To ignore these principles may make you feel more comfortable momentarily, but you will end up breaking the heart of God and losing a brother in the process.  If the same God who is holy and perfectly righteous is able to remove my sins as far as the east is from the west and to toss them into the sea of forgetfulness, who am I to keep score?  Who am I to keep a collection of past offenses…a sandbag?  Those lumpy little critters were created to help prevent disasters, not cause them.  

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